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My soul lives in a kind of darkness that accompanies me wherever I go. This darkness is more noticeable when I'm in a house and staying home more than going out. This darkness has the effect of driving me into the light. The light that shines from Christ's throne with God in heaven. The light given to us to illuminate our way in this world.
I have lived without a home of my own long enough to know that God Himself is my home. I know that wherever He chooses for me to live (in my car, at a friend's, or sometimes at a family member's house) I always have a place in Jesus Christ. Where ever I am that makes me feel at home.
It is a gift, this inner darkness, as it allows me to see where to reach, and grab God's hand. As a result, I never feel alone, or without a friend. Jesus loves me more than anyone else on earth can. He knows how to direct my life so that it is fruitful and useful.
This inner darkness has no power to rob me of the joys I know, or the pleasure of living a useful life that impacts and influences others. It can't bar me from encounters with true happiness, or the true love that touches me as I go about living. My dreams not only live, but they also increase in size the closer I come to God.
I live with a total trust in Jesus, for there are distresses and concerns that would overcome me if not for His living presence in my life. The things that distress and concern me like my health, my living situation, and material insecurities, have no power to diminish the prize of my own life because He is there.
Instead, life remains an eternal adventure, even amidst homelessness, poverty, and broken health. The promise that the future can change into something better is an inextinguishable source of hope. I work at doing what I must to make it happen.
The treasures I am reaping at this point in my life are treasures of character, will, and resolve. I have the ability to pursue what I want of life, even in the face of impossibilities. They are powerless to prevent a new life from happening. The darkness that was sent to deter me has instead (by Christ's life and death and resurrection) become a stairway that leads home. The Home above where no illness of any kind, in any form, exists.
I'm like a runner in a marathon finding his greatest strength, his greatest energy, at the end of the race. I'm finding within me a new spirit whose most fruitful days are ahead. A spirit that wants to run at its highest capacity the closer I get to the end of my life. The price I must pay for the life that I want, I am more and more willing to pay, the longer my life goes on.